Growing Pains

I want to leave.  I want to go far away.  My year in Richmond has been very interesting to say the least, and though I've grown as an individual, I still have a lot more growing to do.  Richmond is not the place to do that.  The unfamiliar and challenging calls me; I hope, in the next few months, I'll be able to make up my mind about a teach abroad program that I would be comfortable, no scratch that, interested in doing.  I anticipate that any teach abroad program that I will do will have its share of uncomfortable moments and challenges that I can't even begin to imagine right now.  All this talk about, "Why don't you go to Europe?" is not what I want.  One, because Europe is extremely expensive and means either debt, or the inability to experience all that Europe has to offer, and two, I don't want things to be easy.  I have nothing against Europe, in fact, it's one of the places I want to re-visit someday, but not now.  Not in this formulative period of my life.

I read a blog post about 20-somethings the other day, and it explained why being in your 20s is awesome.

Some take-aways: "Being in your twenties allows you to start carving out the life you want for yourself. Everything is on your terms now which seems daunting but is actually liberating. For the first time in your life you’re the boss."

After a year of a decent-paying, but incredibly dull post-grad job,  paying my own bills, having my first credit card, buying groceries, and after months of living alone (read: lonliness) and trying to warn off depression by telling myself that life is too short to let depression invade it, I'm ready to be my own boss.  Like the 20-somethings article states, everything in the first 20 years of our lives was planned out for us.  Someone else guided you down a path, culminating in the college years. 

Because of this, I'm almost afraid to make any major decisions without someone telling me to, or telling me it is the "right thing to do".  Maybe this is in part because I've been on my parents dime for 20+ years; I make decisions based on their opinions and beliefs because they have provided for me.  In the past few months, I've discovered this hesitation I have to make any big decisions.  Should I buy this expensive phone? I don't know, unless my parents, boyfriend, or close friends tell me I should.  Should I sign up to take an online TESOL course? Should I?  A stillness, a quiet, makes me realize I have to make these decisions on my own.  It's my life, it's my money.  But why am I so afraid to take leaps of faith?  I'm sure it's because I'm worried about making the wrong decisions and disappointing people in my life. 

But I'm starting to realize that I could move to Antartica if I really wanted to (and had the financial resources).  I'm the boss of my life and everything is on my terms now.  It is time to start making some changes, time to be uncomfortable and face challenges as best I can.  It is time to leave.  It is time to go far away.